I am filled with desire. Sometimes it burns deep and sometimes it feels mechanical, like a crane swinging too fast and throwing me off balance. Today it is the crane. The metal arm lifts too high and swings too quickly and everything lurches.
Is she at home? I don’t wait for her to answer the phone. Fuck it. Start walking. I can catch the bus. The bus is too slow. It’s always too slow. And I have to sit. I don’t want to sit. I want to be in motion. Get off at the next stop. I don’t care if it takes longer to walk. It’s not about speed. It’s about staying in motion, swinging wildly.
It will take me half an hour. I start to sweat even though it’s cold out. Unbutton my coat and keep going. Fuck it’s cold but I’m sweating and I can feel the hair on my neck getting damp. Keep walking. Don’t smoke. Is she there?
I get to her place. The door to her building is unlocked so I go on in and climb the stairs. I’m standing outside her door trying to catch my breath. I don’t want to wait. Let her see me breathless. I knock. I hate the buzzer. It interrupts. It’s too loud. I prefer to knock. She knows it’s me.
She’s here. The chain slides off and the dead bolt clicks and now she’s cracked the door. ‘It’s me,’ I say like an idiot. She can see me. Of course it’s me. She smiles, ‘Hello you,’ and swings the door open.
I’m inside. She closes the door behind me and I grab her hips. I turn her around and press her slowly up against the door. I move my hands up to her shoulders. I pin her there. I look down. I slide a boot in between her bare feet and slowly push her legs apart. Her arms are hanging at her sides. She doesn’t quite know what to do with me appearing out of the blue, red cheeked, panting.
I grab her wrists and lift them up to my shoulders like we’re slow dancing. I slide one hand to the small of her back, keeping the other one pinning her shoulder to the door. I stare at her. I put my nose against hers and my forehead on her forehead. My skin is damp from the quick walk, hot and cold together.
I bring my hand up from her shoulder and squeeze her jaw. I kiss her. Her fingers move into my hair. She’s pulling on me, trying to drag me down to the floor maybe. But I’m standing. Still holding her jaw while I kiss her.
I put my hand behind her neck and turn quickly, pulling her to follow. We make it to the narrow hallway and I have to stop. I swing my body quickly and press her up against the wall. She grabs at my belt. I start to pull at her clothes. ‘Off,’ is all I manage to say and she helps me get her clothing off of her. My pants are undone now but still up. My shirt is halfway unbuttoned. My jacket has somehow disappeared. I look and see it behind me a few paces on the hallway floor. We both laugh at it splayed out like that.
I pick her up or she somehow climbs me, her legs wrapping around me and I find myself holding her ass and thighs and pressing her up against the wall. She is above me. Her neck has to curve and bend to kiss me now. I lean my head back and up to her. Her breasts are against my chest. I am pressing my weight against her. I can feel her wet cunt low on my belly.
I drag her a few feet against the wall. I’m thrusting my hips and digging my belly as deep as it can go against her. We are both wet with sweat now. She is getting slippery. Her wet thighs in my hands are harder to hold. My knees are bent and I’m shifting her down a little against my jeans. Her arms are still around my neck. She wraps her legs around me and I stumble with her to her bed.
I set her down and she looks at me. She unbuttons my shirt the rest of the way down and slips it off my shoulders before she pushes herself back on the mattress and lays down. She slides her arms under head like she’s relaxed and waiting. I take her in.
I put my hand on her foot and I get on my knees between her ankles. I run my hand up her leg while she watches me. My mouth is open. I’m staring at her cunt and the sweet curls of hair surrounding it. My fingers move from her hips into these curls and I stare into her eyes as I slide my hand into her wetness and explore every fold. My tongue is resting just on my lower lip. I can feel the saliva building under it. I look down at my hand and she tilts her head, arches her back.
I bring my mouth down to my hand and spread her open; staring up close and breathing deeply. My mouth is just above her clit. I reach my tongue long and lick her low, slowing everything down for a minute. I can hear her breathing. I feel my heart pounding. She is moving, physically uncomfortable in her desire to be fucked now. It makes me smile and wait another second.
Then I am nibbling at her. Sucking as I move my tongue. My fingers rub against her before she moans and lifts her hips and I push three fingers quickly inside her. I hook and press and pull and suck with my mouth. She is gripping my fingers and pulsing. There’s no reason to slow down. I have nowhere else to go all afternoon and evening.